This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
