my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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