what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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