Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
