i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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