i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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