I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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