just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
