I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
