i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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