Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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