His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
