now i know why i became what i already was.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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