I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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