Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
