I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
