I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
