i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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