I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
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Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
And then he peed in my hair
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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