You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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