I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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