well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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