I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
