i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
