My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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