party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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