All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
