is your mom at the bar?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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