Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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