yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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