I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
