If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
