i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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