My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
