I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
