your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
