Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
