Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
