I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
