so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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