why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
