so that wasnt chicken after all
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
