I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
