Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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