So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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