I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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