His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
