but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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