im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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