Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
