cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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