ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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