Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have fence marks all over my body
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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