it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Barsexuality is the new black.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
