you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
