How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
