I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so let's talk penis.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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