Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Two words: nipple clamps
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