It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
