Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i came on her dog
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
