Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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