why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
