I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
