Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
