Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
