So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
