We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
