theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There r osticjed everywhere
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
