Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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