chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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