U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
