you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
