My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
