ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
