Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
