Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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