You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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