We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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