i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Can Purell be used as lube?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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