Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
