OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
